Better to Give

 

Annie and I raised our boys to value family above all.  Each year we bought or made gifts for each other but, as the years passed and the family grew, the number of people everyone was buying for kept growing.

Last year we came up with the idea to do something entirely different.

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Everyone enthusiastically agreed that, instead of buying gifts for each other, this year we would donate to causes that were dear to us.  Then, when we got together for Christmas, the grands’ gifts would be passed out and opened.  As the little ones enjoyed their gifts and the contents of their stockings, the grownups would take turns telling what charity or charities we had donated time or money or whatever to.  No monetary amount would be mentioned.

We felt it was a gift of the heart and should be kept that way.

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I was so touched that I could barely contain my excitement at the thoughtfulness and heartfelt generosity of my sons and their spouses, so I later asked them to write down a few words about their choices.

Most of the boys were a little less enthusiastic about discussing their generosity, but I eventually got responses from all of them.  Bobby, in the midst of preparing for a selection board in the army, took the time to write, basically, a post for me.

So, first, here are Bobby’s comments.  I’ll add more afterwards.

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What We Can Give for Christmas

By Robert “Bobby” Matthews

 

Christmas is called the most wonderful time of the year.  I am not one to disagree, especially when the statement is in song form, but I think many of us can agree it can be the most stressful.  Between the traveling and shopping, a bank account can get strained to its breaking point.  Never mind the critical thinking required in determining that perfect gift for all the special people in your life.  In the wake of such bewildering times, we tell ourselves “Next year I’ll get it all done early.”  Of course “Next Year” inevitably arrives but “early” never comes until it’s too late.

My family is no different.  Just in my immediate family, we have both my parents, six brothers, five sisters-in-law, and eight children scattered across five states.  That is a lot of gifts, stockings, and food to prepare, never mind the travel.

Feeling stressed yet?  I know we were.

As everyone in our family felt obligated to buy presents for the other members, my parents realized a change was needed. So nearly five years ago we came up with “the drawing”.  Each adult would draw one name and buy one gift not exceeding a certain dollar amount in value.  The same was done for the kids.  And it worked!  Granted it meant fewer presents under the tree but at least everyone had a gift and no one went broke.  Most importantly everyone had a good time.

As Christmas 2018 rolled around, we decided to take a different route.  The kids still got gifts of course and all twenty-two stockings were hung with care, but the adults conspired to do something truly special.  Our family has been singularly blessed over the years with so many beautiful and healthy children.  True, there have been valleys with the hills, but we’ve always come out stronger in the end.  We decided that rather than buy one another gifts we would give of our time and money by donating to a charity of our choice.  The charities ranged from simple donations to actively participating in Mission trips at home and abroad.

My heart was filled with Christmas Spirit as each charity, donation, and cause was presented.  The outpouring of selflessness from each of the adults and children was enough that it nearly brought my dad to tears (No easy feat).   When it was all said and done Mom and Dad looked upon the glowing faces of their son’s, daughters-in-law, and grandchildren with the pride only parents can have. Raising six boys was tough, and I can safely say my brother’s and I didn’t make it easy on them, but Mom and Dad did their best to teach us to be good men.  While we are still works-in-progress, after this Christmas I can definitely say that they put us on the right track.

Over the years we tend to get distracted by the glitz and glamour of the holidays.  We get swept up by the throngs of holiday shoppers and drowned in the financial chaos of travel and gifts.  However, it’s during these cold winter months we need to remember those less fortunate and be grateful for what we have.  I say again how lucky I am to have such a loving and caring family, but this holiday season I realized how blessed I am to have a family who is willing to give of themselves for the needs of complete strangers.  Not because they expect anything tangible in return, but because it fills them with the spirit that is often forgotten.  This is not the season of shopping.  It is the season of goodwill and peace on earth.

So in the spirit of Christmas, from my family to yours, “Merry Christmas…and God bless us…everyone.”

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Well, I’m a little choked up again after reading Bobby’s piece.  I was reminded of my pride in my family at the variety of causes they embrace, and the enthusiasm with which they gave…er, give.

Of course there were some “obvious” gifts.  To say that a gift was obvious in no way minimizes it.  Rather, it means that it was given to a cause that was right in front of the giver.

Some gave to their church or to their school…or both.  Those are great causes, but some took even those to a deeper level.  Giving time to the church through teaching Sunday school or working with youth is one example.  Then there was giving of their own lives by going on mission trips.  The time and expense of such a trip to another country can be prodigious.  Not to mention the investment in helping to build or repair a structure or otherwise help members of the community once they got there.

One of our sons and daughters-in-law donated to SHIP (Sheltering the Homeless International Projects).  Their donations will go to help build a school in El Salvador.

One couple chose to work with LBGTQ (Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay, Transsexual, and Questioning) youth at their school.  The LBGTQ community is one of the most ignored and underserved groups in our country today, and yet they are victims of bullying, discrimination, assault, depression, and suicide at an incredible rate, much higher than most others (For instance, eight out of ten LGBT students are regularly harassed at school.).  Besides working with the kids at school, they donated to GLSEN, an organization that works with LBGTQ youth on a national level.  The money goes to help educate the educators about the needs of these deserving kids.

Another couple gave to a group of caring people who knit tiny hats and blankets for babies who are stillborn or miscarried.  From personal experience, seeing and holding a dear little one who will never live to hug us is one of the most painful experiences we can ever live through.  Seeing that sweet little one clothed may seem like a small thing, but it can be a little comfort to parents and loved ones at a time when they are experiencing such great sadness.  It means someone understands and shares in their pain.

Still another family member gave to an organization that takes children with life threatening illness on the hunt of a lifetime which, for at least some of them, is the last hunt they ever go on.  Seeing the smiling face of a kid who has harvested a deer is rewarding to someone who loves every moment he spends in the outdoors.  Knowing a child who got that dream before passing away moderates the pain, if only a little bit.

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Back when we bought gifts for each other, the suggested amount was $20.  As I look back on the above, which was just some of the causes my family helped over the past year, I am again overwhelmed.  Even though no sum was mentioned, I would wager that $20 apiece wouldn’t come close to what they gave.  Most of them weren’t one time gifts either, but spread throughout the year, with many continuing to this day.

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If you want to get back in touch with the true joy of giving, try what my family did this year.

It truly is more blessed to give than to receive.

 

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